Wolfgang, you beauty!

oh, and thanks Titan Industries ;)

Short put

So Tharoor tweets...

ShashiTharoor

Naxalite KanuSanyal's suicide ydy confirms that violence&destruction hv never achieved anything positive.Wish RDB had been more constructive

really now? Kanu Sanyal led a very happy life of violence for over 3/4ths of a century. He was old, senile and unwell. And so decided to end his life at 82, as violently as he had lived it. How the fuck does this suddenly become an anti-violence message? The man must be turning in his grave ;)

How Manmohan Singh stole my burp from under my nose

Mumbai is hot. Too hot for March. And too hot to be choosing your brand of soft drink in the middle of the day, under the unforgiving sun. You just drink what you get, first. In this mad rush between your dying throat and your out-reached hand, there is no time for thought. Not the least, for the story of how the bottle you are clutching, arrived into that refrigerator.

Get out of your house. Go to the nearest department store, put your head into their fridge, close your eyes, pick any bottle randomly and look at the label behind. If it does not read 'product of Pepsico or The Coca Cola company', you can take a flight to Delhi and cut my balls off.

It is not just your cola. It is your water, orange juice, mango, apple, lime, energy drink, your pack of chips and even your breakfast oats - most of these brands are all owned by one of these two cola companies. When I was growing up in the 80s, things were a bit different. There was this company in Vile Parle, making this absolutely stunning drink called Thums Up, with cool ads. This other company making 'campy' orange drinks and heck, I even had a local manufacturer making cola under the name of Kali. In other words, I had a fucking choice. And boy, I can still taste those solid burps after that first gulp of Thums Up in 'Abilash Bakeries' as a school kid.

Things changed after 1991. A man with a blue turban opened up the gates of the Indian market and 2 bulldozers came inside, muscling their way in with superior advertising budgets. The Indian companies obviously did not have deep enough purses and so they caved in. In what was one of the most baffling moves ever in Indian corporate history, Thums Up - the then market leader with an almost monopoly in the cola market, sold itself to Coke for a measly $60 Million. Far cry from today, where we are buying global steel and auto giants at roughly 75 times that price.

And what happened to my neighbourhood Kalimark? Those visionaries, who identified the power of rural India, decades before McKinsey did? It has been reduced to a company without a website.

I read this interesting piece the other day about how Pepsi and Coke are pulling out of schools. Now I have not done an extensive research to fully understand the quality practices of these two companies or judge them from an ethical or scientific perspective. But then I dont have to. If an organization like the Centre for Science and Environment, which has MS Swaminathan as its chair person tells me that there is more pesticide content in my bottle of Pepsi than in Obama's, then I have a problem. And if you tell me they are using 7 lakh litres of water a day per plant, when some families in my town cant manage 1 litre of clean water in a week, then I have a Big Fucking Problem.

But what foxes me is that even today, with consumerism at its peak in India, we do not have a mainstream soft drink player. Yeah, the Daburs of the World (read 'Real') still try, but lets not kid ourselves. Your neighborhood tea stall is more likely to stock 'limca' or 'nimbooz', than 'Real'. Why do we call it 'fair trade' when marketing muscle can beat innovation? Why do press releases by the CSE have a shorter life than a Ranbir Kapoor Pepsi ad? How come the press is more interested in Indira Nooyi's power than her pesticides?

I dont drink Thums Up these days, as the burp brings many disturbing pictures to my mind. In the mean time, the only guy who seems to get this drift and even find humour in it is Simbuthevan ;)

PS: Remeber the famous Andy Warhol quote? "A coke is a coke and no amount of money can get you a better coke than the one the bum in the corner is drinking. All the cokes are the same and all the cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it and you know it". Really? mmm...

WTF moments of this week

Read this interesting piece the other day about the academy awards jury. This is scary. You know which part? That a bunch of wheelchaired seniles warmed up to Brokeback Mountain, not long ago! Ah, proves my theory that we always underestimate old people.

Totally enjoyed another interrupted YouTube coverage of an IPL match. This time, slightly more because of the CSK win. However almost fell off my chair the next morning when I read Dada's comments. I have a question for him: Please explain to me the concept of 'death bowling' in a T20 match. With only 20 overs, isnt it more like a 'Death Match'? Whats next? calling the last ball of the inning a 'genocide ball' and that of the match 'the armageddon'?

And yes, how can you do a WTF segment without Mayawati! Read about the garland-gate yesterday. Cant help thinking it is probably up there among the funniest and the most ironic moments in Indian politics, especially coming after this press release. Ofcourse, the saddest tragedy of it all is that we can never be a caste-free nation, with people like her around. And most dont realize that.

Anyway, while on WTF, did anybody see that really annoying Hero Honda CBZ ad? The one where the guy says 'Thinking is such a waste of time'? If that doesnt go off air in the next few days, I think India might lose interest in motorcycles altogether. and more people like me would puke during supper. PIL anyone?

3 idiots and 2 hoots

I read an absolutely exhaustive account on the Chetan Bhagat controversy yesterday by Sudish Kamat. Whether you are a Hirani basher or a CB hater or a fence sitter, I strongly recommend you read this. It kinda answers the million dollar question of last week - What percentage of 3i is FPS? If you care two hoots, that is.

Honestly, you needn't.

BTW, The film is absurd at multiple levels. There is a priceless moment, which goes something like this:

Rancho: you miss your mom, no?

Pia: yes, but how did you know?

Rancho: you are wearing an old watch that is completely out of place with the rest of your attire. so it must have been a gift from your dead mom

Thats got to be the best sherlock-mush moment in World cinema history. The film also has other duh moments like man leaving home without pants, almost-dead baby waking up to a word it kinda liked from inside the womb, hero getting his girl in the end, caricature professor gags, etc. It can come across as seriously hare-brained. if you care two hoots about 'analytically reasonable' cinema that is.

But honestly, you needn't.

Coz 3 idiots is not about adaptation, finer film making, performances, etc. It is a glimpse into 'The World According to Raju Hirani' and that is an extremely warm and beautiful place that we all love to spend time in. You can have a thousand discussions regarding the book vs film but ultimately, the spirit of the film is all Hirani. And you cannot credit him enough for that.

3i will probably end up being a film that will be acclaimed and loved mostly for reasons that do not have much to do with the craft of film making. However, it does have a soul that rises from the screen and gives you a tight hug. And this, it does without 3D!

There are some fantastic moments in the film. Sadly though, some of the funniest ones have been roped into the promos. For me, the most priceless one was the operatic score that Virus shaves to, which works brilliantly in the scene when Sharman contemplates his choice between rustication and betrayal and jumps out of the window. That entire scene is as simple and hard hitting as a Haiku poem.

Then there is the scene when Rancho completes the helicopter project of Joy and flies it. When the camera hops from Chatur's room (where he is seen in his funky underwear) to Joy's (where his dead body is hanging), the theatre moves from erupting laughter to dead silence, in a matter of seconds. Coming at the end of a song, the effect is dramatic. All the news that you read about real life IIT suicides come back to you at that instant, as you realize that this scene is not an exaggeration by any means.

And then there is Sharman. He reminds me of good old Michael Bevan. Hardly the centre point of the hype surrounding the movie, this actor delivers a performance that deserves the man-of-the-match award. While he shines through the entire film, the interview scene is an absolute peach.

In the early 90s, when I walked out after watching 'Apoorva Sagotharargal', the biggest question in my mind was: fine, you can look shorter. but how does one 'act' shorter? I had a similar question while watching the hospital scene in 3i. How can an actor be so aware of his facial muscles, that he can use them to deliver a youngish grin? But I forget we are talking about two thespians who have mastered the art. The latter ofcourse has also mastered his business skills, which the former continues to struggle in.

Madhavan is too good an actor for his role and Boman can sleep walk through this part. In fact, we have come to expect so much from Boman, that even his excellent subtleties have started to come across as normal. Even then, he hits hard with the 'space-pencil' scene towards the end.

At the end of it, for me 3i is a triumph of superior screen writing. Hirani and Abhijat have created something that is resonating with almost everybody who has seen the film. And only those who have put 'pen on paper' or 'finger on keyboard' can imagine how hard that is. And for that reason alone, it is ironic that this film has run into a writing controversy. Anyway, as far as I am concerned, the lasting image of the film in my mind would be this:

remember seeing this in the film?